Man, I suck at making phone calls.
This is a little scary to post, but it’s been a long time coming.
The last few months have been very difficult for me. After many years, I recently found the courage (not in myself, but in others—thank you) to ask for help. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and panic disorder.
It’s not surprising, but it is scary to talk about.
This project was started last fall (~ September 2012). It is ongoing—a journal, I guess, where I work through and process the things that I am dealing with.
I needed this project to be stress relief, not a source of stress.
These were (and are) my rules:
Draw when you want to, when you need to. Not when you feel you “should.”
No pencils. No erasers. Just create, and don’t agonise over the mistakes.
As a result, there are many mistakes. But there is also, I think, a lot of beauty in them.
There are also a lot of pages. These are the first ten-odd.
While this is very personal, I deeply desire to share it. I have been helped by other artists who were brave enough to share their struggles: Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half (we think of you often, Allie), b. patrick of Akimbo comics, Sylvie Reuter (who doesn’t seem to have this image linked from her website), Megan Kirby of Coffeespoonzine, Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content.
I hope I can help someone in my turn. It’s good to know you’re not alone.
If you find this helpful, please feel free to message me. But please do not use me as a lifeline. I cannot be online always, and I cannot promise to always reply to you in a timely matter. You are important. If you are in crisis or need to talk to someone in an emergency, please call a crisis hotline. (They will talk to you and help you even if you do not consider yourself a suicide risk. Truly.)
From the National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
What happens when I call?
When you dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255), you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free.
Some of you know me offline or in other circles. Please respect that I may not want to talk about this in other spaces.
As time goes on, as it feels right, I will post more.
…Thanks.
Giving this its own post, because it makes me laugh.
THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE WHEN I’M SMILING. SHUT UP.
It’s been one of those days weeks months, guys.
I have a friend (his name is Ben) that I’ve known, on one website and another, for over ten years.
Last night, we successfully talked on the phone for (what I think was) the first time.
It was nice.
AND LOOKING IS HALF THE BATTLE.
Or maybe I’m getting my dramatic quotations all mixed up. Anyhow.
My boots are red. My hat is red. My mittens are red. My coat is red and pink and orange and chocolate brown.
Warm colors, warm heart.
I can’t think of anything worse than an ice-blue winter coat. I feel cold just thinking about it.
